"They told me to grow up. So I drew a giant map of Europe and rode a 125cc scooter around it until it looked like... well, you see the route."
After the technical training of the Cap10 Alpine loop, I needed something bigger. Something absurd. I wanted to touch the extreme corners of the European continent on a 36-year-old Italian shopping cart.
51 days. 17 countries. 16,500 km. And a GPS track that, when viewed from above, is unmistakably shaped like exactly what it sounds like.
Some call it immature. I call it a masterpiece of accidental cartography.
The weapon of choice was Tamara — my 1987 Vespa T5 Sport 125, bought spontaneously in Barcelona in 2021 and ridden home to Kempten in four days. 2023 was her true trial by fire.
Mostly stock. 125cc of two-stroke determination. 10-inch wheels. Enough luggage to make a pack mule weep. Every pothole a personal insult to the spine. Every hour of riding leaving the hands tingling long after stopping.
She was magnificent.
The goal was to hit the extreme points of my European map:
Nordkapp at 4:30 AM There have been many people at the North Cape. I am fairly certain I am the only one who arrived at 4:30 AM in freezing mist wearing white pornstar glasses and a Batman outfit. The midnight sun does things to a person.
Grense Jakobselv — The Russian Border The easternmost point of the route. The edge of Europe. Beyond: Russia. I stood there on Tamara and felt the appropriate weight of it.
The Overland Event, Oxford I detoured to Oxford to exhibit Tamara at The Overland Event — parking my oil-stained T5 Sport directly between the shiny, computerised BMW GS giants. She held her own. She always does.
Honorary Norwegian — Storhaug Scooter Club, Stavanger The Storhaug Scooter Club in Stavanger made me an honorary member. I wear that badge with more pride than any corporate trophy I have ever been offered.
Five breakdowns in total. A broken kickstart near Oslo. Mysterious brake noises in northern Germany. Each failure was simply an opportunity to meet a new person with a toolbox.
Tamara did not just survive. She proved that a 36-year-old Italian scooter has more soul than any modern adventure bike.
When I finished tracking the GPS route — up to the top of Norway, across to the Russian border, down the Atlantic coast to Portugal and back across the Balkans — the resulting shape on the map was unmistakable.
I did not plan it. The route planned itself. I take no responsibility. I accept all credit.
Why is it called the Penistour? Because when the completed GPS route is viewed on a map of Europe — from Norway down the Atlantic coast to Portugal and back across the Balkans — the shape is unmistakable. It was not planned. It was discovered. A masterpiece of accidental cartography.
What is Grense Jakobselv? The easternmost point of Norway, on the border with Russia. One of the most remote and dramatic landscapes in Europe. Tamara and I stood there at the edge of the continent and looked east.
Who is Tamara? My 1987 Vespa T5 Sport 125 — bought in Barcelona in 2021 for €1,200 and ridden home in four days. In 2023 she carried me 16,500 km around the edges of Europe. She also appeared in a three-part feature in ScooterLab UK.
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